The jokes
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
What did the north tower say to the south tower?
"You're too young to smoke."
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?
Trying to fit in.