The jokes

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?

It is ground breaking!

What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

- There's 20 of them.

I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?

Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.

How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.