The jokes
Why are the Twin Towers and after girls kill all boys similar?
There used to be two but now there's one...
Hey guys, today's funniest prank: is when I poured a bunch of red wine into the chicken salad...to be honest, it was a TON of wine I poured in there! My family could not tell the difference at all! Anyway, bye, that's the prankster! Next time or see you next time!
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
Memes
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
What are intelligent people in the US called?
"Tourist."
Why did the plane crash?
Because it was being flown by a loaf of bread.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.
Sadly, he didn't see it coming.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!