The jokes
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
Who is king of the insects?
The Monarch.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
"I created the Human Torch."
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims. 100 stories in 11 seconds.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
I'm so lonely, even the alphabet says "Hi."
JK.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
The reason Stephen Hawking died is because he drove too far from the wall. The cord unplugged.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.