The jokes
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
Where did Amy go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
Why is the USA so bad at chess? It already lost 2 towers.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What’s the best part of raping an 11 year old girl?
Getting to kill the little bitch after you’ve finished with her.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wipe his ass.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.