The jokes

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

They don’t meet all the koalifications!

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

The world is a freaking rape joke.

Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni pizza, and all they got was plane.

What has 6 legs, 10 arms, and 3 heads?

The Boston marathon finish line.

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.

What is the difference between me and cancer?

My mom did beat cancer.

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

Why did the prostitute lose all her money?

Because she got f*cked.

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry?

I don't know. I forgot.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

What creature takes the most medicine?

Caterpillar.

Why did the butt let out a fart?

Answer: To wipe out humanity!