The jokes
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
What has 3 legs, 4 arms, and 5 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.