The jokes
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
Memes
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
I put the fun in dysfunctional.
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Your race's favorite Star Wars Characters:
Arab...Admiral Ackbar (Allahu Akbar)
East Asian...Qui-Gon Jinn (Ching-Chong-Wing-Wong)
Jew...Rey (Ray)
Black...BB-8 (BBC)
Italian...Jabba the Hutt (Pizza Hut)
German...Admiral Piett (Hitler)
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
A kid and an apple fall from a tree, who will reach the ground first?
The apple, because the kid is hanging on the tree with a rope.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.