The jokes

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?

How much did the haulla-cost?

What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. the extra testicle.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.

What's long and black? The line at KFC.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan has all their teeth intact.