The jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because KFC was offering free seeds.

Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.

Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we look through.

What is the difference between hungry and horny?

The cucumber goes to different places.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.

Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.