The jokes
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
Memes
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971, and the Libertarian Party has lost every presidential election since 1972, and according to the Libertarian Party the Libertarian Party is the only political party in the United States that is the party of principle. If the Libertarian Party is the party of principle then why hasn't the Libertarian Party won a presidential election since 1972?
Because it is politically motivated.
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?
Because it was disabled.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!
2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!
3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!
4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!
Are these good?
Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?
No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler!
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of three. He said, "Uno, dos," and disappeared without a tres!
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.