The jokes

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!

Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?

A: Because he is a "herbefore."

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

What is the day parents stopped fearing for their little boys? June 25, dead pedo day.

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.