The jokes
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. 👹
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
What is an emo's least favorite game?
Cut the rope.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.
What did the kid say to the emo?
"Don't leave me hanging!"
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"
Friend: "I don't know."
Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!