The jokes
I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: Iβm sorry, but itβs match day, I must be a ghost π»π»
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Memes
My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.
Why were the twin towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead they got plain.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Secretly, Iβm a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, βIβve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!β
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Why can't an orphan have milk?
His dad didn't come back with the milk.
When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:
"Looks like I am going back to the future!"
Johnny and Jill went up the hill to lick Jill's yummy candy.
But Johnny got a SHOCK With a mouthful of COCK Because Jill's REAL NAME?
Was Randy. πΉ
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.