The jokes
What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
Why is 10 so scared? Cause it was in the middle of 9/11.
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
Memes
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?
My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?
My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!
The songs: We understand you :)
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.