The jokes

What song do orphans hate the most? "We are family."

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.

Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

At least one does something when it is triggered.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

Who is the king of Reddit?

Sam Ryan.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.