The jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?

They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

Smash or pass?

"Smash," said the iceberg.

TItanic:...

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.

What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?

One makes your day and one makes your whole week.

Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.