The jokes

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?

A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

How does a disabled kid walk to school?

He wishes he had the facilities to.

What did the orphan say to the other orphan?

"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Me: Demon Slayer.

My teacher: Why?

The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?

Because it has no home button.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

Please welcome Mozart's The Magic Flute...

In A minor.

Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.

I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room, where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that I saw Pristiano Penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon.

Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)