The jokes

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?

It was too tired.

I fell down the stairs once.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

"Did you go to the light show?"

"Yeah, it was lit."

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.

BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

What's the Twin Towers' favorite Minecraft biome?

A plains biome.

Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.