The jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

How do you start a rave?

Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital.

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.

What's the best thing about an abortion joke??

No one gets offended.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.