The jokes

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.

What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password.

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

what did the pedophile say to the kid?

"Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van."

4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.

Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"

What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

You reload and keep shooting.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.