The jokes

Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you gotta hand it to her.

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

What's the twin towers' favorite football team?

New York Jets.

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Q: An apple gets picked.

Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.