The jokes
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
I know you don't like me, and that implies you need better taste.
I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.
I'd give you a nasty look, but it seems like you've already got one.
Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
You haven't changed since the last time I saw you. You really should.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.
Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.
You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.