The jokes
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
What is the difference between a human and a burger?
What is yellow? The sun ☀️.
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
What has tree roots and what do I have for kids? What is the difference between a human and a used tire?
Tree roots are under the tree, and used tires are under the Hummer.
Why was the baseball player stuck in the stadium?
'Cause he made his home run.
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Why does Helen Keller look in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?
What's the difference between a Black person and a White person?
One has a dad, while the other searches.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.
A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.