The jokes

Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no friends.

Why could the zombie not clap? Because it was dead, duh!

What was the movie about the dog called?

The woof of Wall Street.

We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

I went to the bathroom and into a stall to see a hole in the wall. It reminded me of "The Lickable Wallpaper" from "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory." I jokingly started licking. Though, the carrot tasted musky and kinda wrinkly.

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.

Why didn't the sun get a job? Seriously, I have no idea why. Help me!

Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder.

What is the difference between a dog and a cat?

I don't know either.

Why do you think I asked you? ;)

Why were the people in the Twin Towers mad? They wanted a drive-through pepperoni pizza, but got a fly-through plane instead.

Why do you go to the bank?

To get money.

When do you run from the bank?

When the cops come.

Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.

You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.

What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"

The other day I lost all my crayons.

I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.

What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?

A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.