The jokes
Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.
Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.
I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.
I now have $999,999.75.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?
They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."
If you think about it, the 9/11 memorial is just a scoreboard.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
- The Milky Way!
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
The doctor told me I had aids. I said, "It's your fault, sister."
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Yo mama so fat when she jumped in the water, the whales started singing "We are a family, even though you fatter than me."