The jokes

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

How do you know you’re ugly?

If you always get handed the camera for group photos.

Carrie Underwood and ChatGPT are not the same. ChatGPT is able to create a soul.

My brother is ugly. One time he stuck his head out the window. The police arrested for mooning.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

What do Nike and the KKK have in common?

They both make Black people run faster.

My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?

Being able to walk.

I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking.

But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”

The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”

Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.

The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?

Because daddy never came back home with the milk.

What did Michael Jackson say to the child sitting on him?

“Just beat it! Just beat it!”

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.