The jokes
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
What was the one word that could have saved Princess Diana's life?
Taxi.
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
Did you hear about the light bulb party? Yeah, it was pretty lit!
Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A: Stoners have papers.