The jokes
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
What is the difference between a human being in the car?
There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."
Earlier that day...
Mars: Okay Venus, you need to stop with the puns.
Mission on space.
Mars: Moon? You okay?
Moon:...
Mars: Moon come on! Stop spacing out!
*Venus and Moon giving her the smirk*
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
And walk, walk home, and...
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
The butt quack one.
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
Q: Why couldn't the queer wist eating his hot dog?
A: Because it tasted like shit.
What did the bus driver say to the car?
"What is your address?"
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!
My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Israel is so fat, when he goes to KFC and they ask what size bucket he wants, he says, "The one on the roof!"😂
What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"