The jokes
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
What's the name for a short legged tramp?
A low-down bum.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
Memes
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
Why did the guy get the hose?
Because the girl was smoking hot.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
Stupid joke about Stephen Hawking that wasn't funny the first fucking time.
I used to work at a candlestick factory, but only on the wickends! It was illuminating!
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Why did the bike fall over?
It was too tired.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!