The jokes
What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoît B. Mandelbrot.
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
Memes
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
Alright, my sister is ALWAYS dancing randomly all the time, and what I say is, "Go get you boyfriend, dude!"
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.