The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.
But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Where did Alice go during the explosion?
Everywhere.
What did the squash say to the tomato?
Ketchup!
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!
What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
Which part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales!
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
Once I heard a joke about chocolate the other day.
It wasn't that funny.
So I just Snickered.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the “utter” side.