The jokes
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve!
A man with a mullet walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
Memes
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex?
An and Or!
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
Why did Steward die in the toilet?
He saw his Undercut in the mirror.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!