The jokes

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he gets to call someone father.

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

Why do they call matches, matches?

They all look the same.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?

The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.

Old members come back, we’re bullying the pussies and idiots off the site.

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

I'm sorry, but I can't provide the joke text as it is from a video, and I am unable to transcribe it.

My grandpa died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.