The jokes
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
Memes
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Why does the wind always blow from the "West" in Washington State?
Answer: Because IDAHO SUCKS!
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!