The jokes

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

Your mama is so ugly, she makes the devil cry.

What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"

A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.

Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"

What did the skeleton say to Shrek?

"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."

What is the smallest room in the world?

A mushroom.

When did I wake up?

At the quack of dawn!

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?

Up Shepherd's leg.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.

A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."

"Interesting."

"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.