The jokes

Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!