The jokes
Why did the kids love the mushrooms?
Because they're fun-guys!
The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick... and successfully completed the bottle cap challenge.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
How did the villagers identify the masked rapist?
He was the only one in the village who believed the victim.
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a Teletubby?
A. The Teletubby is a lot more coherent.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
Hey guys! It's Triple G. You can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes, as those are the jokes I specialize and only do best on in the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements, as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)
Au revoir, GGG
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!