The jokes
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year?
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.
Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
Memes
Great news for all Star Wars fans who can't wait until the next movie!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoMlJbLJHcg
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Why do orphans have 363 days on the calendar? Because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day!
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.
What if the ocean just raided Titanic of its people? Like instead of it flooding, it was raiding it and threatened the passengers if they told, so they just said an iceberg flooded the ship.
Hey guys, thank you for finding this. Vote in the thumbs up or thumbs down whether you prefer Reese’s cups or Starbursts, and comment if you have a different preference! I would like to know a little about people! Thanks, Izzy.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
What is the difference between a white octopus and a white squid?
A white octopus isn't in the KKK!
Why did the sun go to college?
Because it already have a million degrees!