The jokes
Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!
The earth is not round.
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Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
What does the ocean do to its friends?
It waves.
(*Sorry I wasn't making any jokes for a while, I was getting sick of this thing.*)
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.