The jokes
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he broke his charger.
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
Memes
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
What do you call an emo furry squad?
The suicide furs.
So the other day my black friend and I were working on a group project. He was so slow so I whipped him to make him faster.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
The only reason gay people exist is because they couldn't get the opposite gender.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?
Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you're my friend, I'll be there till the end.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!