The jokes

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.

The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"

Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?

"Hello Ladies!"

If I was in a room with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Hitler, and my greatest enemy, I would pour out the bullets and beat my enemy with the gun.

Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?

Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.

Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frog's finger.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: .....it...

Friend: No

Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!

Friend: Why are you like this?

What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?

Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

Serves him right.

My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.

What did the cow tell an Indian?

Moo!

When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun.

What do you call a cringey Indian man? A Cringian.

Sorry, the joke is bad :(

Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.