The jokes

Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!

Why was it wrong to throw my Chinese friend down the stairs?

Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?

Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.

What did one nut say to the other nut?

A: "Candice deez nuts fit in my mouth."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."

I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"

There were people having sex when it started sinking. Legend tells when you go near the ship you can see semen, and if you listen close enough you'll hear them moaning.

Now that's a hell of a ghost story!

What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?

Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.

What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"

You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?

All they have is IVs!

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

What's the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.

You know what to do with this?

Get it to the same amount of dislikes and likes!

Why did the skeleton have no friends?

He was a boner!

Heheheh!

Ah, see ya soon kiddo.

I'm going on break.

I'll give you some fried snow later!

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trashcans.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Friend: You look like a baboon.

Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!