The jokes

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!

Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?

Tell them a joke to make them smile.

Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.

Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?

Because he was searching for the PERFECT FLOW.

Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?

To sweep the competition!

Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?

Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.

Emos,

They're always a cut above the rest.

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."