The jokes
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
Why did the T-Rex 🦖 get a ticket?
He ran at a stomp light!
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
Memes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Rearrange the furniture.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 Detour.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
(Only Ninjago fans understand XD)
If you look outside and it's really windy, it's really cloudy, and the sky looks greenish... you better run, 'cause it has to be Morro!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop onions.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the bottom.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not Susie!"
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
Q: What's the difference between a folk singer and a 14" pizza?
A: The pizza can support a family of four.