The jokes
My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
What did the cell phone say to his wife?
"I will give you a ring."
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?
The Milky Way.
Memes
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking itโs a cigarette.
I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"
Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?
A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! ๐
I remember my grandad's last words: "Are you still holding the ladder?"
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasnโt peeling good.
Whatโs the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! ๐๐
Suck all the bread!
Why didnโt the moon eat dinner?
Because it was full! ๐
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To poo in the toilet.
What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?
POORphan