The jokes
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
The teacher told me to put my MP3 away, so I brought out my MP5. Now that bitch knows what not to tell me.
Why does the ice cream have so many friends?
Because he’s cool.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
What was the pedophile charged with when he was arrested? A minor offense.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.