What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.
I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.
What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?
From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.
Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.
My friend: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: O B C D.
Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
