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I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

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    • I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.

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    • Shaenaya is single, 16, and looking for a 30 year old man that can pleasure her, huh?

    So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

    My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

    Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

    A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

    My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

    I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

    John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.