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How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

35! Do you have a problem with that?

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐

What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.

What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.

What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.

Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.

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    • Kid: "What's dark humor?"

    Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

    Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

    Mom: "Exactly."

    I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.

    HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)

    When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

    *eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

    Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

    Peter: *curses*

    Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

    Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.

    Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!

    I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

    My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

    Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

    This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

    Why is there a middle school?

    Because the kids that go there are middle class families.

    A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

    People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?