If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? đ¤Łđ¤Ł
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, itâs pointless.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trumpâs wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasnât really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, âAww, Iâm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!â
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresaâs clock; the clock hasnât moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincolnâs clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Whereâs Trumpâs clock?"
"Oh, weâre using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause itâs so true.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Smack an orphan, whatâs he gonna do... tell his parents?
I went for a walk today, and I did a good job of telling what time it was.
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
Kid at school tells an orphan, "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
A person went to tell a joke: "Knock knock!" "Whoâs there?" "I donât remember!" (I think we need to moove on to the next joke now.)
I just now made this one up! Then I realized it is in the cow category, so I added the moove on part! đ
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Run, or something will come to you, and you will be afraid to tell it to stop following you.
Who tells the best chicken jokes?
Comedi-hens!
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
