Once a man goes to a restaurant.then, he was waiting until the waitress comes & tells him that they don't have food. he was grumpy but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped then she say to him:"good meal".
Riddler: riddle me this are you scared of the big black
person: Big black what
Riddler: ...
person: I'm scared of what you mean because you wont tell me what you mean
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing. Hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with I have two parrots as well, they are always praying and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours. They proceed to do so and the lady's parrots say hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? and the pastors parrots reply with Johnny drop your beads and lift your heads our prayers have been answered.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not. Not yet says little Johnny so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, I saw you kick the chickens so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either. Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says you want to tell him or should I?
FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE. MY NAME SHOWS IT ALL IF YOU CAN'T SEE, IDC AT ALL, YOU CAN BAN ME. BUT LET ME TELL YOU ONE THING, WITHOUT GOD, ISR-EL IS NOTHING. SO LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, ONE LAST TIME, FREE FREE PALESTINE!
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant
I was outside digging a six foot hole, when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole
I play saxophone and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason I got multiple restraining orders because I said “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson”, I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child “Shut up you Donkey!” The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said “No my dear, tomorrow.” That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing “Spider-Man Spider-Man!”. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing “Under the toilet, under the toilet”. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, “Shut up you Donkey!” The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, “Do you want me to slap you?” The boy said, “No my dear, tomorrow.” This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling “Goal! Goal!” The teacher dragged him to the principal’s office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing “ Spider-Man Spider-Man!” She asked him where he lived so he sang “Under the toilet, under the toilet”.
your mum stinks of disbled ppl wanna know why idk either u tell me
I had a steering wheel down my pants and I tell you what it was driving my balls crazy
why is it so punny when sans tells a joke in the evening?because a SANSET is happening.
How to make an orphan die
Tell then to yell until their folks come home.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
Not a joke but theres no where else to post this , ( mainly this post is for the broke people w/o a gym ) . Did you know that the body can't tell if ur using weights? so lifting weights are optional . some beginner workouts W/O weights for like really weak ppls . 1. sit - up's 10 reps 2. push - up's 20 per reps 3. squat's 10 per reps 4. crunches 10 per reps
