A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What tree is every emo kid trying to find?
The hanging tree.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."
"What is it?" she asked.
"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.
"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.
"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.
"And your final wish?" the genie asked.
"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Why did the emo kid get mad?
I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
What do you call a flat chested emo girl?
Cutting board.