I took an uber home the other day, and the basterd was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said "who the fuck taught you to drive"... To this he replied "Stevie Wonder".
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas
Luisa: the ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Captain of the titanic: wait what did you say
3 minutes later
Why didn't I listen to the strong one
Your mama is so fat by the time I swerved to miss her with the car I ran out of gas.
Your mum is so fat when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid by the time I had finished ✅ I had ran out of gas
your mom so ugly shes the reason he swerved
i was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street, when I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
the cat ran across the road when the car swerved it killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut, the cat survived it all, the cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car... the cat still died why? It had a Catastrophic Catcident
