Surgery

Surgery Jokes

Wig

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Michael Jackson

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.

Circumcision

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

Baby

Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?

Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.

Health

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

Cannibal

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

Man

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

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  • Heart

    Man: What's up?

    Me: I'm annoyed.

    Man: Why?

    Me: I stole my gf's heart.

    Man: So why are you annoyed?

    Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.

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  • Boob

    Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).

    She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008

    Dinner

    I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

    Baby

    What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

    A baby playing with a scalpel.

    Jaw

    How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

    Kick his sister's jaw.

    Surgeon

    A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

    boss: "We have to let you go."

    surgeon: "I protest innocence."

    boss: "How?"

    surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

    boss: "Get out!"

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  • Birth

    When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."

    Amputation

    Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

    So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."